War on Everyone

Spontaneously buying DVDs in the supermarket without prior research is always risky. We all know you can never trust what the cover says, of course they’re not going to say ‘The Biggest Pile of Crap Released This Year!’ are they? Of course they’re going to sing the film’s praises and trick you into buying it because it’s ‘side-splittingly hilarious’ or whatever lie they’ve plastered on the front.

That is exactly what happened when I bought War on Everyone.

I’d never heard of it before, hadn’t seen a trailer, had no idea what it was and didn’t have time to do a quick Google search on my phone like I usually would before parting with £10 which frankly could have bought me another two bottles of wine.

I won’t lie to you; I couldn’t tell you what the plot was without checking Wikipedia. That is partly down to the number of Tequila Sunrises I’d consumed and also partly due to the fact I was bored out of my brain and not really paying attention. Good sign right? It’s a cop movie that’s about as funny as toothache; two crap cops who are too busy breaking the rules and snorting coke bumble around for a bit and do some things, there may have been a little bit of romance, some violence and a bit of nudity but apart from that it didn’t seem like much else was happening.

Allegedly a black comedy, I personally did not see the humour and didn’t find the film compelling enough to actually pay attention. I was mostly just annoyed that I’d spent that £10 on it when normally I’d either find something on Netflix or Prime or just, you know, stream it from some dark corner of the web somewhere. In a moment of optimism I made a silly mistake and I’m writing this in the hopes that it might prevent you from doing the same.

In all seriousness War on Everyone probably isn’t that bad of a film, it just wasn’t what I was expecting. Not my thing but who knows, maybe it’s yours. Just don’t spend a tenner on it!

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