Ok so I might have had a little bit too much fun writing my previous post about my five must have items in a zombie apocalypse, so I’ve decided to go all out and write some more! There are so many types of horror film I thought it only fair to give a few others a go too. Plus who doesn’t love a bit of procrastination?
What if you end up being stalked by a killer? What if Ghostface gave you a call and decided to pop round one night and kill you? My zombie apocalypse survival kit of wine, duct tape and condoms wouldn’t be a lot of cop in that situation, so here is a new list of my five must haves to survive a slasher.
- A group of friends, including a black guy and a blonde girl with big boobs
If you’ve got those two in your friendship group, then you’re guaranteed to at least survive a little longer than the first quarter of the film and can use this to plot your escape or just outrun them and get the fuck away. If you are one of those two characters then this list probably won’t help you…you’re fucked.
- A knife
A small knife is pretty inconspicuous and very useful. Stuff that badboy down your sock and you’ve always got a weapon to hand. Just make sure you’re not in skinny jeans because we all know the pain that is trying to roll up skinnys further than your ankle; not fun.
- A fully charged phone with internet
Whether you’re hiding from the killer and need to update your Facebook status to…well…’hiding from a killer’, or whether you’re on the run and think that maybe calling the police would be a good idea, then you need a phone. Having a fully charged mobile phone with internet access could literally be the difference between life or death. And I mean more so than it is already.
- A pair of boots
Until You’re Next came out and restored my faith in slasher films, I used to get so pissed off that characters very rarely went for a kick to the bollocks. The majority of the time the killer is a man, so a kick to the nuts would give you plenty of time to either run away or grab a weapon and finish him off, so on my list is a pair of boots, and I mean a good sturdy pair not any of that fashion rubbish; something sturdy enough that a swift kick to the nuts could mean a future with three adams apples.
- A big dog
It just so happens that I have a big dog, although I’m not convinced he’d be any good defending me from a murderer, I’ve never even heard him growl! But what better sidekick to have than a big scary looking dog? They’ll help defend you from your assailant, possibly do a good job of maiming them and you can also hold their lead and use them to drag you along when you get tired of running.
So what about you? What five things would be on your list of must have items if you were being stalked by a killer?