Underground

Screen Shot 2013-10-22 at 22.29.55Think of the biggest, most disgusting pile of shit ever, put it in a monster outfit, get it to run around for 83 minutes in some nonsensical underground building and you’ve pretty much just made your very own Underground. 

Underground is a 2011 atrocity from the director of, well, nothing that anyone’s heard of, and is the kind of crap that IMdb calls a ‘video’ instead of a film. Yeah, you know the sort.

A group of friends are forced to fight for their lives when they end up in some bizarre underground building after escaping a fight with a man built like a tank. Rather than act like normal people and reason with the guy they decide it’s a good idea to run around underground and try to look for an alternate exit; an idea that is clearly illogical. They eventually stumble across a bunch of creatures that look like what you might get if Voldemort and John Malkovich had a love child, and all hell breaks loose.

To say the acting is wooden would be an understatement. The performances of the group of friends are what you might Screen Shot 2013-10-22 at 22.30.05expect from some dodgy teen TV soap, and when one character bluntly announces ‘we’re all going to die’ within about three minutes of being underground (before there’s been any kind of sign of a threat) you can pretty much guess where the rest of the film is heading. It’s one of those films where you find yourself waiting for someone to die so things can get interesting. The genetically engineered creatures are far from formidable and when the first one shoots horizontally out of a urinal like shit off a shovel it’s very hard to take the film seriously.

The cast is a group of attractive young people clearly chosen for their looks and not their acting ability. Surprisingly the only person to take their top off is a very buff guy, which makes a change from the usual horror-norm, but like most nudity in Screen Shot 2013-10-22 at 22.30.20horror films this too seems forced for the sake of getting some pecs on screen. When the film has nothing else to offer, the actors might as well show some skin! All Underground has to boast is an attractive cast, it’s just a shame their acting skills are crap.

Underground, for all its flaws, is surprisingly nicely shot and it seems a shame that the good quality camera and talented camera operator weren’t put to better use. The acting is awful and the special effects are even worse, Underground has very little to offer apart from unintentional laughs at the expense of the terrible script.

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