162 MC Script Second Draft

In our lecture this morning we talked about the importance of re-writing a script, and how the first draft is never perfect.
I finished my first draft a few days ago, and I was quite pleased with it. However I re-read it today and sure enough there were a few things I needed to change.
The main issue I had was the dialogue. When I re-read it, two things stood out; 1. there was too much dialogue and 2. I hadn’t written it as the character would speak.
I decided to delete all the dialogue, read through the action and add dialogue where I felt it was needed. It turns out that the action was enough in most cases to tell the story, and I’d massively overdone the dialogue in places. I also wanted to work on the voice of protagonist Chris, because I didn’t feel like his dialogue was authentic to the character. I’ve done character profiles on my three characters, and feel like I know them pretty well, so when I re-wrote the dialogue this time I found it easier to think of what he would say, and how he would say things.
Here’s my second draft of the script:


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